I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
