How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
