Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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