Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
