When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
