I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
