I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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