Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
