I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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