No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
