woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
