I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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