CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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