speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize