i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize