the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
