just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
