I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
