angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
