why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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