They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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