WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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