How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
