Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
