does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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