dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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