some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize