You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
