My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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