oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
