Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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