Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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