you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
