In the future we'll all be gay
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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