I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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