and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
