my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize