Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
