Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
