Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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