Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
