Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
