i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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