woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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