physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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