I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
