And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
