Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She's the barista slut.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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