A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
