Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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