But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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