The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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