I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
