Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
