Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize