Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
