i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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