Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
