You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize