I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
