And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
