its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
