3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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