I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize