one two three fourrrrnication!
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
