I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
