Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
