if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This house was built for laser tag.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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