you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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