Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
