Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
