Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
