Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
