You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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