I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Slut skills are useful in every country.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
