You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize