omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize