I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
