The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
