im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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